Single for the Holidays: Finding Connection Within

"Love yourself first, because that's who you'll spend the rest of your life with." - Luigina Sgarro

The holidays are arguably one of the toughest times to be single, whether that’s due to societal pressures or just a fresh kindled desire to feel close to someone.

It’s a time filled with celebrations, special dinners with family and friends, and the inevitable question you dread for the 10 months leading up to November and December – “Are you dating anyone?”

You see, being single during the holidays isn’t an issue, it’s an opportunity. To challenge decades of stereotypes. To dig a little deeper and uncover tiny, beautiful parts of yourself. To prove that you alone are enough, and you are not just a prize for somebody to bring to Christmas dinner.

In this article, we’ll get into the deep, and sometimes painful, truths about being single at the holidays and how to find that connection within. So, let’s discuss the topic that people do cartwheels to avoid: being alone.

Why Being Single Feels Amplified During the Holidays

In order to understand why being single feels amplified during the holidays, we have to take a trip back in time. Where? Well, we’ll start with the Victorian Era.

During Queen Victoria and Prince Albert’s rule, Christmas became a family-oriented and celebratory holiday, complete with lavish decorations, gift-giving, and festive gatherings.

The mistletoe was originally seen as a symbol of romance and fertility in ancient times, but the Victorian era linked it to ‘holiday love’.

It really isn’t Queen Victoria and Prince Albert’s fault though. The real romanticization of Christmas came in the twentieth century, when Hollywood and the mass media used love as a way to promote consumerism.

After all, when you depict gift-giving as a romantic gesture, our acts of service kicks in and we spend a lot more money. Are you catching my drift?

Every ad on your television from early November until after New Year’s shows people madly in love, walking in winter wonderlands hand in hand, or unwrapping diamond rings under the tree.

The actors playing in these commercials don’t know each other from Adam, and they get a huge paycheck to play a part in your mass exploitation.

So, why does being single feel so awful at the holidays? Well, it’s not because you’re inherently incomplete or unworthy without a partner—it’s because the world around you is expertly curated to make you believe that love and romance are the central ingredients for holiday joy.

The constant barrage of romantic imagery—from mistletoe kisses to couples exchanging perfect gifts—creates a narrative that equates happiness with having someone special to share it with. When you don’t fit that mold, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out or somehow failing at the season.

But here’s the truth: the feelings of inadequacy or loneliness that creep in during the holidays aren’t yours to own—they’re the byproduct of a carefully constructed fantasy. And just like anything else in life, it’s up to you to step back and realize there’s a vast difference between fantasy and reality.

Shifting Perspectives & Reclaiming the Holidays

"Solitude is the place of purification." –Martin Buber

Have you ever heard the story of Anna Kerenina by Leo Tolstoy? I know you’re not here for book reviews, so I’ll make this simple. The main character left her established life with her husband and child to pursue Count Vronsky, believing that this relationship would bring her true happiness.

Of course, the results were a devastating contrast to her desires – social ostracism, emotional turmoil, and eventual despair.

This external validation Anna searched for her entire life created a void, an absence of the necessary space to dig within herself and find true happiness. It led to her tragic demise and proved that inner-peace and self acceptance should always come first.

So, what if being single at the holidays is the best gift you could receive? What if this is your opportunity to pause, reflect, and reclaim the season in a way that nourishes your soul instead of chasing after external expectations?

When we stop seeing singleness as a deficiency and start embracing it as a chance to reconnect with ourselves, we create space for genuine joy.

Think about it: without the distractions of meeting someone else’s needs or fulfilling societal expectations, you can focus on what truly matters to you. This could mean starting a new holiday tradition, practicing gratitude, or simply giving yourself permission to rest and recharge.

Reclaiming the holidays isn’t about rejecting love or connection, it’s about redefining where those connections begin. Instead of looking outward like Anna Karenina, who lost herself in the pursuit of others, we can look inward.

From that place of self-awareness and peace, the connections we do form—with family, friends, or even potential partners—become richer, more authentic, and less about filling a void.

Don’t believe me? Look at the statistics, because the data doesn’t lie:

• Single individuals often experience more psychological growth and development compared to their married counterparts. They tend to value meaningful work and maintain stronger connections with parents, siblings, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. (American Psychology Association)

  
  

• A study from Bar-Ilan University found that time spent alone allows individuals to reflect on past experiences and future plans, relax from the stress of social interactions, and engage in self-selected leisure activities, all contributing to personal growth. (Science Daily)

• Being single allows for greater control over holiday spending, reducing financial stress. The American Psychological Association notes that financial concerns are a significant source of holiday stress for many individuals. (American Psychological Association)

• Single individuals often engage more deeply with friends, family, and community activities during the holidays, fostering a broader support network and enriching social experiences. (Miss Mill Magazine)

Building Connection From Within

"I like being single. I'm always there when I need me." –Art Leo

While the narrative paints the holidays as a time to connect with others, it can also be a valuable time to connect with yourself.

Here are some ways to shift your focus and make the most of the season:

• Self-Reflection and Gratitude - Take some time to reflect on the past year.

1. What were your biggest achievements?

2. What challenges did you overcome?

Write them down in a journal, and then list the things you’re grateful for—no matter how small. This practice not only boosts your mood but also strengthens your sense of self-worth.

• Create New Holiday Rituals - Who says holiday traditions are only for couples and families? Start your own. Maybe it’s cooking your favorite meal, binging a series that makes you laugh, or reading a book by the fire with hot cocoa. Creating rituals that bring you joy makes the season uniquely yours and creates memories to cherish.

• Indulge in Self-Care - The holidays can be exhausting, so prioritize yourself. Take a bubble bath, go for a winter hike, or treat yourself to something special—whether that’s a cozy sweater or a subscription box. Self-care is an act of love, and you deserve it.

• Connect with Your Passions - Use this time to dive into hobbies or explore new interests. Always wanted to try watercolor painting or learn to play an instrument? Now’s your chance. Engaging in activities you love strengthens your sense of identity and adds joy to the season.

• Celebrate Your Solitude - Solitude isn’t loneliness; it’s an opportunity for introspection and peace. Instead of filling every moment with noise, embrace the quiet. Meditate, practice mindfulness, or simply sit with your thoughts. These moments help you recharge and feel more grounded.

Building a connection from within allows you to enter and exit the holidays with a sense of wholeness. And from that place of self-love and understanding, you’ll find that any connections you make are there because you want them, not because you need them. This season, let your relationship with yourself be the gift that keeps on giving.

Finding Joy in Broader Connections

“Having somewhere to go is home. Having someone to love is family. And having both is a blessing.” - Unknown

The holidays often focus on romance or familial ties, but they also provide a wonderful opportunity to deepen connections beyond the traditional expectations. When you expand your footprint, you’ll find that joy is everywhere—in friendships, community, and even chance encounters.

1. Strengthening Friendships

The holidays are a great time to nurture the relationships that already bring you joy. Host a “Friendsgiving,” plan a gift exchange, or simply gather for a cozy movie night. These moments remind you that love and connection come in many forms, not just romantic ones.

2. Becoming Part of Your Community

Volunteering during the holidays can be incredibly fulfilling. Whether you’re serving meals at a shelter, donating gifts to children in need, or helping organize a community event, giving back connects you to something bigger than yourself. Studies show that acts of kindness and generosity boost happiness and create a sense of purpose.

3. Rekindling Family Bonds

Not all family relationships are perfect, but the holidays can be a chance to strengthen them. Reach out to a relative you’ve lost touch with or spend intentional time with those you hold dear. These connections often remind us of our roots and the unique ways we’re supported by loved ones.

4. Embracing Chance Connections

Some of the most joyful holiday moments can come from unexpected interactions—a warm conversation with a neighbor, a laugh shared with a stranger in a checkout line, or bonding over a shared experience at a local event. These fleeting connections often bring a surprising sense of togetherness.

5. Joining Like-Minded Communities

If you’re feeling isolated, consider exploring local or virtual groups that align with your interests, whether it’s a book club, a fitness class, or a crafting workshop. These spaces often create a welcoming environment for forming meaningful relationships with others who share your passions.

Conclusion: A Season for Rediscovery

Being single during the holidays isn’t a flaw to fix or a void to fill—it’s an open invitation to rediscover yourself. When you let go of societal expectations and the pressure to conform to a romanticized holiday ideal, you can embrace this time as an opportunity for growth, self-love, and connection.

Ready to embrace the joy of being single and make this holiday season truly yours? Connect with Lynn Klimo, your abundance and transformation coach, and discover how to turn your dreams into reality. Schedule your free consultation today and start creating a season—and a life—filled with purpose and joy.